Deaf
by daflippnay
Summary: A deaf Buffy goes into LA for a cure and finds much more than what she's looking for. Buffy/Angel crossover. B/S pairing. Timeline: occurs a year or so after BtVS and AtS' series finales.
1. Chapter 1

Buffy glanced out her window, watching the tops of LA's skyscrapers grow closer and closer as the plane slowly began its descent. It was muggy and the sky was gray, and the forecast on the overhead television promised morning showers. She shut her window and closed her eyes, her nerves fluttering as the plane slowly made its way down to the ground.

Buffy watched the people around her gather their carry-ons as soon as the plane came to a stop. She remained in her seat until the middle-aged man beside her took his things from the overhead compartment and made his way down the center aisle. She plucked her messenger bag from under her seat and followed the line of people making their way out of the plane, the cool morning air hitting her as she walked onto the long platform leading into the airport.

She headed towards the baggage claim, her eyes glued to the signs above her signaling which carousel belonged to what flight. She spotted her flight number and walked briskly in that direction, flinching in surprise when someone grabbed her shoulder. She turned around and saw her father.

He smiled at her and said something, and then the crow's feet at the corners of his eyes faded as the smile left them.

Buffy gave him a forgiving smile. "It's okay," she said. "Oh!" She opened her messenger bag and pulled out a whiteboard with a red marker attached. "Dawn bought me this."

Hank wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her to him, kissing the top of her head. He took the whiteboard from her and uncapped the marker. In his usual chicken scratch, he wrote, _How was your flight?_

"Boring," Buffy replied.

She caught movement at the corner of her eye and found that the carousel was starting. Ten minutes passed before she spotted her luggage. She took it from the conveyor belt and then Hank led her down to the parking lot.

The car ride to her father's house was silent, as everything else had been for the past two weeks. Buffy had written to him that she had been in a vehicle accident in Cleveland, but what had really happened was she had been fighting a demon who only spoke in sonar-level frequencies. What she _didn't_ know was that he could scream in sonar-level frequencies that were literally ear-shattering, which she quickly learned when she had stabbed him in the balls with a war scythe.

Dawn had called Willow and Giles in Britain after driving Buffy to the local hospital. After much wigging, Willow had said that a witch in her coven lived in Los Angeles and was a specialized Wiccan apothecary of sorts. Thus, Buffy was out to find her.

It had been a painful two weeks for Buffy. Her eardrums were completely shattered and had shown no real signs of healing. She experienced nausea and headaches some days. It was hard to communicate with people when you couldn't hear them, and Buffy couldn't read lips or sign. And even if she learned to sign, she had no one in particular to sign _to_. Ever since she lost her hearing, Buffy had felt lonely and completely detached from the world. She tried not to show how hard it all was affecting her, but it became harder every time a slayer would forget she couldn't hear and yell at the back of her head.

Hank was worried when Buffy told him that she'd be going out in the evening to see her 'doctor,' but she told him that she had an address and a fair idea of how to get to it via Google Maps. Strangely, the woman who Willow recommended to her had a night job as a bartender in a demon karaoke bar called _Caritas_. Buffy tried to mollify her father by allowing him to drive her into the area, except the area didn't exactly give off a mollifying atmosphere what with all the shady looking people lurking in equally shady alleyways.

At her father's skeptical look, she said, "My friend knows this doctor really well. And she's a really good friend, and I trust her judgment."

He took her whiteboard from her and wrote, _You want me to wait?_

"I'll be okay, Dad," Buffy insisted, taking the board from him and slipping it into her messenger bag. She kissed his cheek before stepping out of the car. "Thank you."

Buffy walked down the street to a small alcove where she spotted pink and blue lights blinking _'__Caritas'_ across a dark red -- almost black in the darkness -- brick wall. Buffy parted the tacky beaded curtains leading to the front door, not surprised to find an array of demons staring at her as she walked through it.

A green, horned demon in a loud purple suit walked up to her with a proprietary grin. She watched his red lips helplessly as he spoke.

"Um," Buffy said, "I'm deaf. And I'm looking for… Crystal?" She handed the demon her whiteboard when he gave her a sheepish smile.

_Sorry, sweet cheeks. Crystal doesn't start her shift until nine. I'm Lorne, btw._

Buffy glanced at her watch. It was a little after seven. "Darn," she muttered under her breath. "Thank you. I think I'll just sit around for a while and--" She glanced at the demons eying her warily. "They won't try anything funny, will they?"

Lorne smiled. _By magickal law, violence is off limits in this bar. I run this place, so if you need anything, give me a holler._

Buffy nodded, taking the whiteboard from him as she took a seat at the bar. She tucked the board into her bag and sighed, missing the significant look Lorne was shooting at her from behind. He excused himself from the two Chaos Demons who'd wanted a go at the karaoke machine, heading for the payphone in the back.

--

"I think you might like to know that there's a slayer in my bar," Lorne said conversationally into the phone.

"Oh? She looking for anyone -- or anything -- in particular?" Wesley asked, sounding absentminded.

"She's looking for my graveyard shift bartender, who's a Wiccan apothecary by day. She's also deaf. It could be personal business for all I know."

"A deaf slayer? Keep us updated if you've got more information."

"Will do." Lorne placed the phone back on its cradle and headed for the front. He went for the bar first and touched the slayer's shoulder. She gave him a watery smile as she handed him her whiteboard. _I didn't catch your name. And - drink?_

"I'm Buffy. And I could really use a Cosmopolitan."

Her order went completely over Lorne's head. Unceremoniously, he made a mad dash for the phone again. "Wesley," he panted as soon as the rogue Watcher picked up, "is the name 'Buffy' ringing any bells for you?"

"A choir of them," Wesley replied, his voice grave with concern. "I'll be right there."

--

"You're _sure_," Spike said, still gaping at him.

"Spike, I think the number of Buffies in the world gets pretty narrowed down when you find out that she's a slayer, and then you promptly find that she's inside a demon karaoke bar," Wesley said, agitated.

"And deaf, bloody hell…"

"We have to call Angel."

Spike stepped in front of him, his eyes speckled with gold and his nostrils flaring. "No."

"This is hardly the time for playing childish games. I'd suspect he wants to see her."

"And I'd suspect that you'll be getting a fist in your nose real bloody soon if you don't move out the fuckin' door. Come. On."

Wesley heaved an agitated sigh. "Spike--"

"Don't 'Spike' me, you ponce! I'll call Peaches on the way there, alright?"

Wordlessly, he unhooked a coat from the coat rack and headed for the door. Spike made a pleased noise as he followed after him.

Spike smirked at the back of Wesley's head, tossing his cell phone back into the office before closing the door shut behind him.

--

Buffy chewed on her orange wedge, glancing at Lorne at the corner of her eye as he continued to drum his green fingers on the bar and stare at the door. "I'm going to go back to my dad's car smelling like cigarette smoke and alcohol," she muttered under her breath. "Some doctor's appointment." She finished the rest of her drink. "Mmm, yummy."

Lorne swiveled around and glanced at her. He grabbed her whiteboard. _How did you lose your hearing?_

"Sonar demon," Buffy replied. "He screamed really loud and shattered my eardrums when I swung a scythe at his nether regions. It's a really embarrassing story that is sure to be funny once I get over it."

Lorne offered a humorous smile. _That why you're here to see Crystal?_

"Yup. She's a part of my witchy friend's coven."

Lorne gave her a serious look and scribbled something else down. _Buffy, I know Angel._

Buffy blinked. "Oh." She tried to decide how she felt about that, and then decided on shrugging. "I guess it's inevitable that I run into someone who might know him. I mean, LA being his turf and all. He comes around here a lot?"

Lorne smirked, which shortly melted into a sheepish grin. _He tries not to. But I kind of told him you were here._

She blinked again, then sighed, her shoulders sagging dejectedly. "Can I have another Cosmopolitan?"

Lorne sympathetically patted her arm before hopping off the bar stool and signaling the bartender over. "One Cosmo for the girl, on me." He spotted two leather-clad figures coming into the doorway and hurried over to them. "Maybe you two should just go on back."

"What? Why?" Spike nearly shrieked.

"I just don't think she's ready to see you guys. The girl's in a very vulnerable state right now. I highly doubt she'd enjoy a blast from her past. Plus, she's onto her second Cosmopolitan and I've been pretty liberal with the 'Cosmo' portion if you catch my drift." He glanced at Wesley. "Did you call Angel?"

"No, seeing how Spike was throwing a tantrum," Wesley replied with a roll of his eyes.

"That's one thing we've done right, at least. She asked for the second Cosmo _after _I mentioned that I kind of told him she was here."

"But you didn't," Spike said, a dangerous glint in his eyes. Suddenly, the glint disappeared and he was gawking, his light blue eyes wide and shining with emotion.

Buffy had swiveled around on her bar stool, her gaze landing straight on him. She hopped off and made her way towards them, her green eyes glistening from alcohol and something that Spike couldn't identify. "Spike…?" she whispered, clutching Lorne's sleeve.

"Oh dear," Lorne groaned.

The platinum-haired vampire rushed forward, clutching her shoulders and showering kisses on her blank face and moaning, "Buffy, Buffy, oh Buffy, who did this to you? I'll maim them to bits, I swear…"

"I can't hear you," she whispered, her voice hoarse. She pulled away to look into his face. "Spike--Why… _How?_" She turned to Lorne. "How drunk am I?" she deadpanned.

Lorne shook his head in disbelief. "Oh honey, I wish for your sake that you are completely and utterly smashed."


	2. Chapter 2

"I hate to interrupt the reunion, but I think it's time for you to go," Lorne said, stepping between the Slayer and the vampire and pushing the latter towards the door.

Spike's face, contorted with emotion, twisted further with annoyance. "But--"

"No buts, mister," the Empath demon said. "Bigger things are at stake right now, and chances are you'll be on the receiving end of one soon if you don't skedaddle."

Behind them, Buffy gave a friendly smile to a blue haired woman switching shifts with the young man behind the bar. "Hi, can I have three shots of tequila? It's been a really, really, _really _long day. Wait, that's the one without the worm, right?"

She chuckled. _No worms in that one, honey._

Buffy blinked. "Or maybe I should stop with the drinky."

_You're Buffy, aren't you? The Slayer. Willow gave me a heads-up and told me you were coming here. I'm Crystal, by the way. Sorry for the whole getting-in-your head thing, but what I have to say to you might not fit on your little whiteboard._ Crystal thrust her thumb behind her. _Get back here and lemme check your ears out._

"Okay," Buffy acquiesced, sliding off her stool and coming around the bar. "I've been having really bad headaches and I get dizzy and then there's the whole wanting to throw up part that I don't really like--"

_That's probably from damaging your ear drums,_ Crystal said, tucking Buffy's hair behind her ear.

"They said they were almost sure that they're completely damaged," she said softly. "And then they wanted to see if I was eligible for hearing aids or cochlear implants, but then they said that the starting price for the implant thingies were like forty thousand--"

_Shh,_ Crystal murmured into her mind, squeezing Buffy's hand as tears sprang to the Slayer's eyes. _I need you to calm down, okay? I know how disorienting this is, losing just one of your senses. But I'm going to help you any way I can._

Buffy sniffled. "A-And I think I'm hallucinating and seeing my dead boyfriend--"

Spike gaped, pointing his thumb at her. "Did she just call me what I think she called me?"

Lorne rolled his eyes. "May I remind you that I have pretty much mainlined alcohol into her?"

Crystal smiled wryly. _Buffy, I'm a witch, not a psychologist. _

She blushed. "Oh, right. Sorry. And I think I'm kinda drunk."

_Figured as much, _Crystal laughed. _Tilt your head back for me. I just want to get a good mental visual of your ear._

Buffy nodded and tilted her head away from Crystal. "Mental visual? Kinda like a witchy x-ray?"

_Something like that,_ Crystal said. She cupped her hand to Buffy's ear and closed her eyes. She murmured a short incantation and an image projected into her mind. _Buffy, I have good news, and not so good news but it isn't necessarily bad._

She took in a wavering breath. "What is it?"

_You're healing. It's slow -- really slow. I think the reason for that is because it was ruptured due to pressures that were not of the natural. The not so good news is that I have no exact time frame pertaining to your healing time. I can do a bit of research and bring your case up to the coven and see if we could find anything to amplify the healing process or at least a treatment that will help your body patch itself up. A mystical homeopathic drug, if you will._

"So this isn't permanent," Buffy whispered, her shoulders sagging in relief.

Crystal offered a gentle smile. _This isn't permanent. But you need some downtime, alright? You should give me your contact number, just in case I find out anything._

The Slayer nodded. "Yeah. Thanks… Thank you so much."

The witch hugged her. _It's my pleasure, Buffy. I've heard nothing but good things about you._

Buffy returned the hug tightly, tears of relief streaming down her cheeks.

Crystal giggled. _Still want that tequila? _

"No, but I could use some of your witchy insight." She turned around and pointed at the bleach blond standing behind the counter, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Can you see him?"

_The rest of your senses are working well, Buffy,_ Crystal said with an amused smile. _I can definitely see that bleach blond cutie._

Spike gave an impatient huff and lifted the whiteboard up, where he'd written, _Can we please talk?_

"Spike, there's this small but significant problem that I'm sure you're aware of," Buffy snapped. "I can't hear you. At all. I can't even hear me. I don't even know if I'm pronouncing half of the things I say correctly."

_Buffy, I could help you a bit in that department,_ Crystal said sympathetically. _I could magickally implement a motor skill. It isn't big or anything. We've done it before during multicultural Wiccan conferences. It's just a matter of teaching the mind a skill it is unfamiliar with._

Buffy blinked. "What are you saying?"

_Lip reading is a language skill among what you can call the oral deaf,_ Crystal explained. _And I can teach it to you._

"Magickally," she said.

The bartender nodded. _Magickally._

She frowned. "Kinda like an express express course?"

Crystal grinned. _I'm certain there are more 'expresses' following the first two._

"Magick kind of makes me nervous," Buffy said, wringing her hands. "I mean, there are side effects and stuff…"

_Slayer, I'm pretty sure you've noticed that all Wiccan spells' side effects have more to do with karma than anything else,_ Crystal said wryly. _And the karma would be on me._

"Oh. And… And this is a good deed, right?"

_Yep. But we need to hurry up now. Happy Hour starts in fifteen._

Buffy nodded. "Okay," she consented. "What do I have to do?"

Crystal clapped her hands and then fanned them out, lifting them skywards. _Perceptum! _she 'uttered' meaningfully. She smiled at Buffy, and when she spoke to her again, her lips moved. 'Understand, Slayer?'

Buffy grinned, relief and exhaustion flooding her. "Yes, thank you."

Spike touched her shoulder to get her attention. 'Buffy…'

She wagged her half finished girly drink at him, her eyes flashing angrily. "Spike, you have a lot of explaining to do!"

He lowered his eyes. 'Yeah, love, I know.'

She raised her eyebrows and finished her drink. "Well?"

He scratched behind his ear. 'Can we go somewhere more private?'

"By 'private,' do you mean 'your place,' and by 'your place,' does that mean 'in close proximity with people I had no intention of seeing but will run into anyway?'"

Spike made a facial expression that Buffy belatedly recognized as him snorting derisively. 'Buffy, 'private' means 'my place,' which means 'very, very, very far away from Peaches as I can physically get.''

Lorne touched her shoulder. She glanced at him. 'And what he means by 'very, very, very far away as he can physically get,' he means the last room on the third floor's left wing of the Hyperion.'

The bleach blond vampire gave her a sheepish look.

Buffy sighed. "Alright." At Spike's grin, she added with a glare, "But no funny stuff!"

He gave a brisk nod. 'Right. Ixnay on the unnyfay.'

Buffy blinked. "Huh. Apparently my lip reading skills delve into a bit of Pig Latin."

'Later, Lorne,' Spike said with a wave, taking Buffy by the elbow and practically dragging her from behind the bar.

'Later, sweet cheeks. Plural,' Lorne said with a grin and a wave, returning back to the stage.

--

"So where's Angel?" Buffy asked, looking down at a pair of delectable Spike lips. She blinked. _Delectable Spike lips..._ She was definitely of the tipsy.

'Working,' Spike replied.

She wrinkled her nose in realization. "You guys are still making friendly with Wolfram & Hart?"

'Hey, I do not make with the friendly,' Spike said, looking insulted. 'I test run Angel's vehicles, sprinkle copious amounts of Valerian Root in his O neg, and call his voicemail and leave obscene messages at least two to three times a day.'

Buffy raised her eyebrows at him, smiling wryly. "So you're the corporate pest."

'It's a hard job!' Spike said with an answering smile, unlocking the door to a Jaguar convertible and holding it open for her.

"So this is one of Angel's vehicles?" Buffy asked. "How's it run?" she said teasingly as she took a seat.

He closed the door behind her, smirking. 'Dunno. Not done evaluating it yet. I'll give it a couple more days.'

It was a quiet drive to the Hyperion, literally and… literally. Spike parked in front of the Hyperion, killing the engine and practically leaping out of the driver's seat to open Buffy's door for her.

"Thank you," Buffy said almost shyly.

He looked into her face as he closed the door. 'You're welcome, love.'

Spike led her into the hotel and up the stairs to his room. She took off her sweater and sat at the edge of his neatly made king size bed. He closed the door and divested of his duster, hanging it on a hook on his door before sitting beside Buffy, less than a foot of space between them.

"So…" Buffy murmured, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

'So…' Spike said, meeting her sideways gaze. He smiled. 'Wish you could hear me. I have a right sexy voice, as you may recall.'

Buffy snorted out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Trust me, my brain is filling in the gaps."

'Hope it's doing a good job of that. Gotta get the size and characterization all right,' he said with a playful smirk.

"The size?" Buffy giggled. "You mean the size of your ego's grown since I've last seen you?"

'Well, yeah,' he replied, all sauciness and bravado. 'I'm a champion now.'

Buffy's smile faltered a little, but her eye contact didn't waver. She reached out in between them and Spike followed suit, her fingers threading through his. "Spike," she said softly, "I missed you."

He lifted his other hand to tuck a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear and cup her cheek. 'I missed you too, love.'


	3. Chapter 3

Spike tugged on her hand and brought her closer, brushing a kiss against her brow and sliding an arm around her waist. She leaned into him and closed her eyes, taking a shuddering breath.

That's when he smelled the tears.

He gently pushed her away, grasping her at arm's length by the shoulders and watched as tears came from under her closed eyelids. He cupped her cheek and waited until she opened her eyes.

'Buffy,' he breathed, 'love, what's wrong?'

"This is the first--" She hiccuped, her stray tears turning into gut-wrenching sobs. "This is the first time I've really _talked _to _anybody_ s-since this…" She sucked in a mouthful of air as she began to cry harder.

Spike held her to him, holding her tightly and rocking her, his fingers carding through her soft hair. She stayed in his embrace until her sobs subsided, and when she pulled away to look into his face, he leaned back to grab a packet of tissues from his bedside table. The vampire handed her one, his arm taking its position back around her again as she blew her nose.

She sniffled, raising her chin. "Do I have any boogers?"

Spike chuckled, kissing her forehead before pulling away to look at her. 'Yes, but rest assured, they're as cute as you are.'

Buffy pouted and blew her nose again. "I-I just felt so alone…" She took in a breath as he squeezed her lightly to him, a silent encouragement for her to go on. "It's amazing what you can take for granted. I couldn't hear the phone, or the alarm clock, and I'd just started a day job at a bookstore and I can't even do something as simple as helping out a customer. A-And then when it's time for training with the Slayers, you know how it always was back in Sunnydale… I'd give the pep talk and be the strong, Slayerly model type, but they've found it hard to talk to me because of all the obstacles that hadn't been there before. Like having to come and tap me on the shoulder just to get my attention, or having to write whatever they had to say on that dumb whiteboard, or having them make some silly mistake like call my cell phone when it's obvious that I can't answer them."

Spike kissed her forehead again. Buffy closed her eyes and relished the feel of his lips against her skin, a few fugitive tears slipping past her puffy eyelids.

She opened her eyes and looked up into his face again. "I think Dawn has found some advantages in it, even though she'd never admit it," she said wryly. "Granted, it's not something as bad as sneaking out of the house when I would never know. Just things like putting the radio on blast when I'm driving her to school." She closed her eyes again, the space between her brows crinkling. "I just feel so… disconnected."

Spike cupped her cheek again, smiling at her when she opened her eyes. 'But it ain't permanent, innit? That's what the apothecary lady said.'

She shook her head. "It isn't, but… That's not what I knew two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I felt like it was the end of everything I've ever known. Spike, I didn't even really have a… a language, it felt like. I mean, I had my whiteboard and my emails from Giles and Willow and the text messages from Dawn and the girls, but… those are all mediums, you know what I mean? Nothing was _direct_." Her voice grew small as her eyes clouded with tears again. "Nothing was… intimate. Personal." Her eyes locked on his again. "Not even… Not even this, with the lip reading. I can't hear anyone… I can't hear _you. _I couldn't hear the flight attendant when she was asking me what drink I wanted to order, and then when she found out I was deaf, she… She _changed_-- I mean… She was nicer, but not the kind of…" Her face screwed up as she began to cry harder. "Kid gloves," she murmured, sounding pained.

'Buffy…' Spike said, cupping her cheek to draw her attention again. 'Buffy, love, you're the strongest woman I know. And I know that all of this hurts, but now you know it isn't permanent anymore. And even if it was, I know you'd adjust. You've adjusted to far… far more unappealing things, situations. And I know it's utterly destroying you that you can't hear my sexy voice, but give it time, love.'

Buffy giggled. "Truth be told, it is kind of eating me up that I can't hear your sexy voice."

The leer on his face softened into a gentle smile. 'Buffy, I…' He swallowed hard, the look on his face suddenly tense. 'I love you.'

She gave him a teasing smile. "What's that about olive juice?"

He let out a half-annoyed, half-amused snarl.

She touched his face, her eyes locked on his. She'd never noticed how intimate eye contact was before. "Spike, I love you, too," she whispered.

--

"Buffy's here?" Angel demanded, his voice terse on the line.

"Yes. She's been here for a couple of hours. Lorne found her at Caritas asking for one of his bartenders. The girl with the blue hair, do you remember her?" Wesley said. "She makes fantastic White Russians. Anyway, it appears she is a Wiccan apothecary with the skills necessary to amplify Buffy's healing abilities."

"Wes, it's vodka and cream," the vampire growled impatiently. "Is she hurt? Never mind, I'll see for myself. Wait, did she leave? You'd better not have let her take a taxi."

"Angel, calm down. Buffy's a little shaken, as expected, but she's fine. Spike took her to the hotel. They've been here for the past hour or so. There's no cause for alarm."

"Check on her, please. I know just how stifling Spike can be."

"Angel, I'm pretty sure that you'd be just as stifling if you were here," Wesley said, rubbing his forehead in irritation. "Finish up at Wolfram & Hart. She isn't going anywhere for a while, and if she is, you could always make time to speak with her. She's staying with her father."

The vampire sighed. "Alright," he conceded. "But… check on her, please. And offer her a room, if she feels like staying."

"I'll do that," Wesley said. He sighed when the line on the other end disconnected.

He hung up the phone and made his way out of the office and up the stairs to the third floor, walking leisurely towards the left wing. He gently knocked on Spike's door, awaiting an invitation.

"Come in," Spike's low voice uttered from behind the door.

Wesley did, and was greeted with the sight of a sleeping Buffy tucked snugly into Spike's side, crocodile tears on her cheeks. "How is she doing?" he said softly.

"Not too good," Spike murmured. "But better than what she was before." He raised his eyebrows. "I suspect you've told the poofter?"

"Yes, I did tell the--" Wesley shook his head wearily. "I've notified Angel. He told me to ask her if she wanted a room here, if she wanted."

Spike gave a sober nod. "I'll ask her when she wakes up."

Wesley nodded, making his way back to the door.

"Wes."

He stopped. "Yes?"

"Can you order some take away or something? I'm not sure when the last time she's eaten."

Wesley nodded. "Sure." He paused. "Hot and sour soup for you?"

The corner of Spike's mouth lifted into a small smile. "Yeah. Thanks, mate."


	4. Chapter 4

Buffy awoke, finding her face pressed into Spike's clothed chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and her legs tangled with his. She burrowed into him, feeling warm and safe. She smiled as she felt a rumble within Spike's chest and his arms coil tightly around her. Spike brushed his lips against her forehead. She bumped her head on his chin as she lifted her head.

"Ow," she giggled, looking into his face.

He smiled at her, kissing the top of her head. 'Looks like we'd have terrible coordination if we ever got fused into a two-headed Spuffy monster.'

She laughed. "Spuffy," she snorted in amusement.

'I don't know, sounds a little more creative than 'Bike.'' She could tell he was chuckling as his chest rumbled. 'Are you hungry, love? I had Wesley order us some takeaway.'

"You and Giles, I swear! It's called _takeout_."

He looked appalled. 'Hey, don't pigeonhole me with Mr. Tweed & Stuffy.'

She smirked. "Only if you start learning to adjust to American culture. You've been out of the motherland for what, a century?"

'Hey! It hasn't been that long.' He stuck out his tongue. 'Gotta stick to my roots somehow. Plus, it's a well known fact that the girls dig foreign accents.'

"Oh, yeah?" she said, raising her eyebrows at him. "Wooed any girls lately with that secret weapon of yours?"

He tossed his head back as he laughed. 'I believe my secret weapon is my looks. Don't think there's much wooing power in British slang, 'specially if you don't understand what the hell anyone's sayin'.'

"You're so sure," she teased, wrinkling her nose at him.

'Certain,' he said with a leer. His leer softened as he gazed into her face. 'Buffy?'

"Mmm?"

'Gonna kiss you.'

She grinned. "'Kay."

Spike heard the door swing open just as he was about to land one on her lips. 'Wes, I fuckin' swear -- no pun intended -- you've got the most impeccable tim--'

In the doorway, Angel cleared his throat.

Spike shot his head up, and Buffy followed suit in curiosity.

Angel cleared his throat again. 'Takeout's downstairs,' he said, doing an about-face and walking out the door.

Buffy fell back onto the bed and groaned. "Running into people who I had no intention of seeing anyway -- check."

The bleach blond vampire smirked. "Angel's only one person, but I could see how you could have mistaken the lumbering ninny for multiple, pet."

Buffy blinked as she saw Spike's mouth moving at the corner of her eye. "Ooh, could you repeat that? Wasn't looking at your mouth."

He smiled sadly. 'No need, pet. Got other plans for it, anyway.'

A pained frown came over her features. "No, really," she insisted. "What did you sa--"

Spike pressed his lips to hers and tightened his arms around her waist in silent apology.

Buffy's eyelids fluttered closed as she kissed him back, her hands cupping his cheeks, tracing her thumbs over his cheekbones. She withdrew slowly, looking him in the eyes. "You don't have to feel bad, Spike," she said, her voice soft.

He nuzzled her cheek before tilting his head back so she could see him. 'I know. I just… feel like a right git not thinkin' of your… predicament.' He smirked, but his heart wasn't in it. 'I was just pokin' fun at Angel, anyhow.'

Buffy's stomach grumbled. She smiled at him sheepishly.

'Right. At least your tummy's got the right idea of changin' this rather boring subject.'

--

"Hey," Buffy greeted Wesley and Angel with a small smile.

'Buffy,' Wesley responded with a smile of his own, 'are you feeling better?'

"Much," she replied with a nod. "Will be much, _much _better once I'm fed."

Angel gave her an awkward smile. 'It's… good to see you, Buffy.'

"It's good to see you too, Angel," she said, walking towards the bag of Chinese takeout. "What have you been up to?" she asked, glancing at him.

'Same old, really. Demon hunting, helping the helpless. And there's paperwork, but I avoid it as much as possible.'

Buffy grinned. "Glad to see you're sticking to your mission statement."

The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. 'It's good for business.' He shoved his hands into his pockets. 'And you?'

"Dawn and I visited Giles and Willow during Christmas break. It was a lot of fun, except for when it wasn't… Giles has been Head Watcher Guy and he's been up to his nose with paperwork and legal work and pretty much all around-workness. But he managed to get a couple of days off and show us the touristy sights and the not-so-touristy sights. Dawn really enjoyed it. Willow's been doing much better. She's been making a lot of friends within and outside of her coven, and they're teaching her how to deal in ways we probably couldn't have. World-saving and apocalypse-stopping are not in the formula for recovering magick-a-holics." She cleared her throat, crossing an arm to her chest while her free hand lifted an egg roll to her mouth. "So… You didn't think to tell me Spike was suddenly undead? Well, undeader than usual."

Angel cleared his throat, too. 'Uh. It… selectively slipped my mind?' He tried for honesty. 'And I've been a little busy,' he said, his features laced with guilt.

Buffy sighed. "I see."

'Buffy, if you want, you could stay here,' he offered.

She bit her lip. "My dad is probably worried sick. Not that he's ever cared so much before, but I'm inconspicuously abusing my 'I've-suddenly-lost-my-hearing' card for necessary father-daughter time and um, the possibility of shoe shopping." She shrugged. "But I could visit. I mean, I'll probably be here for a week or so, or at least long enough until I get an answer from Willow's witchy friend."

Spike came downstairs with a bag of blood. He disappeared into Wesley's office, only to return a few moments later with a black mug. He dug into his pocket with his free hand and produced Buffy's cell phone. He handed it to her. 'You've got like eighteen text messages, love. Think they're all from da'.'

She winced. "Oops." Her eyes widened as she looked at the time. It read 11:42. "Spike, you let me sleep for almost two hours?"

'It was more like an hour and a half,' he said with an apologetic shrug. 'Figured you could use it.'

"I'm just going to text my dad to pick me up," she said, more to herself. She glanced up at the bleach blond when he touched her shoulder.

'Wouldn't it make more sense to stay over here, love?' Spike said. 'It's closer to Caritas if you needed to get in touch with that apothecary chit.'

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, but I figure I can spend some time with my dad, meet his new family or whatever. I'm sure it'll get so awkward that at some point I'd welcome another… less awkward alternative."

'You're always welcome to stay here, Buffy,' Angel said warmly.

Spike bristled, which did not go unnoticed by the rest of the room. 'I could take you home, Slayer,' he said tersely. 'It's late.'

She looked into his taut features, and then at Angel, whose face was carefully blank. "I guess that could work," she said, putting her phone away.

The bleach blond nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. 'Right.'

She pointed towards the stairs before making her way up them. "I'm just going to get my things."

--

"Spike," Buffy said as he pulled out of the parking spot. "What was that about back there?"

He pulled up to a red light and looked at her. 'What was what back there?'

She shrugged. "You with the… You seemed… You were upset."

Spike pursed his lips. Truthfully, he preferred to have her as far away from Angel as possible even if it meant having her far away from him as well. There was too much history and too little time to sort everything out. He shook his head. 'I'm sorry, love. It was nothing.'

Her brows crunched together in a frown. "It didn't look like 'nothing.'"

He sighed. 'I know.'

"Spike, talk to me," Buffy said, her voice soft.

He kept his eyes on the road, but his right hand slid between them to take her hand. Buffy leaned forward to better see his lips. 'It's not important, pet. It's just… me. You've got more important things to worry about.' He shifted uncomfortably.

Her frown deepened, and the corners of her mouth tugged down angrily. "Spike, of course it's important. _You're _important to me, and if it's come so far that you can't see that, after all the talking and the… Everything up in your room…" Her voice lowered and so did her eyes. "I must have messed up really badly."

Spike's hand tightened around hers, and when she looked at him, there was shock written all over his features. 'Buffy, _no_,' he insisted. 'That's… Not all of it,' he admitted. With a shake of his head, he let go of her hand and used both hands to turn into a vacant parking lot. He put the convertible into park and twisted around to really look at her.

She was wringing her hands in her lap, biting her lip and averting her gaze from him. He touched her shoulder and she directed her gaze back on his face.

'Listen…' Spike said, then smiled wryly, 'Buffy, back there… It's always going to be hard for me as long as Angel's in the picture. It doesn't matter in what context, love, but…' An intense look came over his features, and Buffy sat up, her attention clearly riveted on him.

"You're insecure!" Buffy gasped, sounding surprised.

Spike let out a nervous laugh. 'Yeah, just what every bloke wants their object of affection to know…'

She cradled his hand with both of hers, tracing his calloused palm. "Spike, if anything, I'm as insecure as you are." She looked into his face shyly.

Spike's Adam's apple moved up and down as he swallowed nervously. 'Yeah?'

"Yeah," she whispered, sounding pained. "But… I-I'm ready. To fix this." She hung her head. "If you are. You know, no 'I' in 'team' and all that…"

He cupped her cheek, a look of awe on his face. 'You want to… With me…' he tried to clarify. He shook his head in disbelief. 'Feel free to fill in the blank, love, because I've no idea where we're tumbling.'

She laughed, and his heart soared. "Tumble up, or down, I want to… I want it to be with you. Spike, I spent a year thinking you were dead. I…" She bit her lip, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. "I mourned you, yeah, a-and I _tried_ to accept that you were gone, but then I always found my mind reeling, you know? Like… Why should I need to accept such a terrible thing?"

He smiled a sad smile. 'Yeah, I know what that's like,' he said truthfully. 'Let's get you home before your dad has a heart attack, yeah?'

She grinned. "Okay."

Spike pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the street. 'By the way, love, I have no idea where I'm going.'

Suddenly, she burst into laughter as realization dawned upon her. "Me neither. Maybe I should just stay at the hotel for tonight."

Spike eyed her and gave an impatient -- yet affectionate -- huff, turning the car back towards the Hyperion, their hands joined the entire way.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter has a spot of Rated R mushiness. And I concluded this chapter with a paraphrasing of an ASL poem called "Deaf World."

* * *

Spike could smell the sweat on her skin as she tossed and turned in her sleep, her brows drawn together in a pained frown. Gently, he placed an arm around her, gathering her to him and cradling her to his cool body. He saw her eyes flicker open, the whites of her eyes glistening under the soft light of the street lamp outside permeating through the blinds.

He waited until her eyes adjusted to the darkness before asking, 'Love, what's wrong?'

She shook her head. "It's nothing," she murmured. "Sorry for waking you."

His lips curved into a small smile. 'Nocturnal, remember? Don't really sleep at night.' He gently nudged her. 'What's bothering you?'

She burrowed her face into the crook of his neck. "My ears hurt," she murmured. "They got infected a few days after the fight."

Spike propped himself up on his elbow so that he could see her face. 'Taking anything for it?'

"Yeah, but I left them in my luggage. There's an antibiotic for the infection and a pain reliever."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then the spot behind her ear. 'Anything I can do?' he said, looking into her face.

She shook her head. "No," she murmured, her eyes sliding closed, her brows heavy. "I'll just tough it out until tomorrow."

Spike kissed her forehead again, his lips trailing over the side of her face and the slope of her neck. Buffy gasped and tilted her head. He smiled against her throat, nuzzling against her skin.

Spike pulled away to look into her face. 'Missed you,' he said when she opened her eyes.

"Missed you," she whispered, sliding her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

Spike slipped a hand beneath her shirt, his calloused fingertips tracing over the smooth skin of her stomach, tracing out random patterns as he bent his head down to kiss her. Buffy took his roaming hand in hers and laced her fingers with his, lifting her head off the pillow to return the kiss.

"Tickles," she giggled against his lips.

He pulled his face away to smile at her before pressing soft, quick kisses to her mouth. Buffy slid her hands down his back and threw a leg over his hip, flipping him onto his back as she half-straddled him, her lips still pressed to his. He moaned into her mouth as her warm weight settled onto him, his hands reaching everywhere he could touch her.

Buffy let out a breathy moan as she felt his erection nudge her thigh. She straddled him fully, her upper body flush against his, their denim-clad pelvises aligned and undulating. "Mmmnah," she whimpered against his mouth, rubbing her warm center against the bulge in his pants.

Spike's body vibrated beneath her as he chuckled, carding his fingers through her hair while the other hand traced over her spine and then down over the swell of her ass cheek. Buffy gasped as he lifted his hips to grind against hers, nuzzling her face into his neck.

He gently turned her over onto her back, getting comfortable between her legs. He smiled against her lips before pulling away to talk to her. 'Hope this is distracting you from your pain, pet,' he chuckled.

Buffy closed her eyes and nodded as he lowered his head and pressed his cheek to hers. She yawned, and gave Spike a sheepish look when he pulled away to smirk at her.

'Go to bed,' he said, kissing the top of her head.

She giggled, her eyes already falling closed. "I am in bed, silly vampire."

Spike chuckled as he settled in beside her, holding her close to him as her breaths evened out.

--

Buffy awoke alone, stretched out in the too-big bed with the covers hanging precariously off the edge. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, stretching her arms over her head. She rolled out of bed and toed her shoes on, surveying the room with bleary eyes.

She smiled as she found a sheet of paper taped to the door, and on it was sprawled in Spike's writing, _Bathroom's to the right of this door. Brekky's in Wes' office._

She used the bathroom and freshened up, brushing her teeth with her finger and gargling with Spike's citrus flavored mouthwash. When she finished, she stared into her reflection and sighed, watching her mouth silently move as she did. "I hate this," she whispered, watching her own lips as they pulled back slightly around the word 'hate,' and her tongue catch between her teeth and slip back into her mouth as she pronounced 'this.'

She wondered if she could hear herself if she screamed loud enough.

Buffy felt her throat constrict as tears of frustration built from behind her eyes. She swallowed hard, tearing herself away from the mirror and swinging the door open, the breeze that blew gently through her as she opened the door drying what little tears had flooded over her waterline. She forced herself to think of other things, like the soft yield of the carpet beneath her sandaled feet, and the smooth lacquer of the staircase balustrade. She tried to imagine how it would sound like to have the carpet swallow the sound of her footfalls, and the squeak of her skin against the glossy railing.

Buffy stopped at the landing and closed her eyes.

She couldn't remember how those sounded like.

Maybe it was because silence was all that had encompassed her for the past two weeks, except for the sound of her thoughts bouncing around in her head. She recalled that the last time she'd had a cold, which had probably been months before her calling, she couldn't remember how it had felt like to be well. The only thing she'd known was that it had been so hard to breathe, and no matter how many times she'd blown her nose, it'd still be full of snot.

She opened her eyes when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Pale blue eyes shone at her, wide with concern. Angel, Wesley, and a bald black man stood behind him, nearer to the door of Wesley's office.

'Buffy?' he said.

She watched his mouth, riveted at the movement of his full lips.

"Hi," she said shakily, her hand clinging to the railing. She took his hand when he offered it to her, feeling grounded by the way he squeezed it gently.

Spike led her to Wesley's office, and the other occupants of the hotel parted hesitantly as they walked past. He let go of her hand and knelt in front of the mini fridge by the ex-Watcher's desk, taking out a square Styrofoam carton and a plastic fork from a side desk where a coffeemaker and a microwave sat perched.

'Got Charles to get you some breakfast,' Spike said, opening the carton and placing it in the microwave. 'Didn't know what you wanted so I told him to surprise you. Hope you like pancakes and blueberry currant.'

Buffy felt her stomach grumble. She smiled as Spike smirked at her. "Guess tummy approves."

The microwave pinged and Spike took the carton out, handing it to Buffy. She thanked him before digging in.

Buffy blinked when Spike stood in front of her. She glanced up at him. "Do you want some?" she asked, cutting a piece and shoveling it onto the plastic fork. She fed it to him, watching as his lips closed around the eating utensil. A smear of blueberry currant remained on his bottom lip, and she leaned forward to properly lick it off.

Spike smirked against her tongue and mouth before deepening the kiss, taking the carton and placing it on Wesley's desk before grabbing her forearms and pulling her closer. She slid her small, warm hands up his chest, and he hissed as she scratched at his nipple through the fabric of his tee. He pulled away from her mouth to press a heated kiss to her neck.

Buffy pulled away just slightly, her hands gripping his biceps and her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Say my name, Spike," she whispered, her voice trembling.

'Buffy,' he whispered back, and then his mouth was on hers, and he murmured again and again against her, 'Buffy, Buffy, Buffy…'

She withdrew and sniffled, her hand coming up to trace his soft lips as he continued to whisper her name. Spike cradled her face in his hands as her tears began to fall, his mouth covering hers in soft, lingering kisses. He pulled back and caressed her cheek with his thumb, staring into her glossy green eyes.

'You'll hear soon, love,' he said, kissing each eyelid. 'You'll hear soon.'

Buffy burst into tears and buried her head into his chest.

--

"Need to borrow your car, mate," Spike said to Angel, already palming the car keys.

Angel sighed at his back, watching Spike disappear through his office door. "Not like I can stop you," he grumped.

--

Spike closed his hand around Buffy's, sitting beside her on his bedspread.

She raised her eyes and looked at him. "I got my dad to text me directions."

He nodded. 'Good.' He pulled her closer, kissing her forehead. 'Got something to show you, love, before you go.'

"Yeah?" she asked softly, wrapping her arms around his waist.

'Yeah,' Spike said, tugging her off the bed. 'Sun's about down. C'mon, we'll go wait 'er out downstairs.'

Buffy nodded, following him out into the hall and down to the lobby.

When the sun set, Spike led her to Angel's Ford Mustang. They got in and Spike drove out of the city and onto the freeway. Buffy frowned when she noticed that they were moving away from Los Angeles instead of through it.

"Spike--"

He smiled at her. 'Trust me, love.'

She settled down in her seat, still frowning at him.

Spike was quiet, but their route did all the talking. Buffy watched as the urban setting of Los Angeles faded behind them on the freeway. The vampire took an exit and drove for several more miles, the neighborhood that they entered noticeably more suburban. The road ahead of them steepened considerably, so much so that Spike had to switch into second gear. The street was surrounded by trees and shrubs, and the night was cool and alive.

The vampire stopped on the crest of the highly elevated street, parking on the side of the road. He left the headlights on as he killed the engine, getting out of the car and nodding at Buffy to follow suit.

He took her hand and led her further up a grassy knoll. He held her to him as she shivered.

'Look out there, Buffy,' he said, his lips illuminated by the headlights behind them.

Buffy looked down and over the knoll, her breath catching in her throat. From this height, she could see the tops of suburban houses, their lights small and winking like faraway stars. Beyond that, she could see mountains in the distance, their caps being swallowed by the cloak of night. The moon was bright, and intermittently showered them with moonbeams when strips of cloud did not block it. The sky was a velvet blue, the stars glimmering like tiny pinpricks in the night.

"Spike…" she whispered, her voice catching with emotion. She turned to him, her brow furrowed.

He smiled at her broadly, cupping her face in his hands. 'Don't you see, Buffy?' His hands trailed down her arms until they were met with hers, and he squeezed them lightly before bringing one hand to his mouth, brushing a kiss to her knuckles.

Buffy's eyes followed his movements before she turned to look at the beautiful view again. She didn't know if it was the altitude, but she suddenly felt lighter than she had in days.

He placed a finger beneath her chin to redirect her gaze on him. 'You don't need your ears to appreciate this, Buffy,' he murmured. 'You're as close to nature as you will ever get. The trees and the mountains don't have ears, love. An' you don't need to hear them to see how beautiful they are.'

Tears slipped past Buffy's lower lashes as she stared out into the distance. She glanced at Spike when he touched her arm.

'Don't let this disable you, Buffy. Especially now that you know it's not permanent. Don't let it turn your world a pallid gray. You've got other senses, and they shouldn't be dulled just because one of them is.'

Buffy sniffled sharply, launching herself at the vampire and throwing her arms around him.

Spike held on tightly and closed his eyes, burying his nose into her hair.


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy awoke to the feel of her phone vibrating beneath her pillow. She peeled open her eyes and peered at the digital clock on the bedside table while digging underneath the pillow for her phone. The red numbers read 9:43 in the morning.

The number on the screen didn't ring a bell, but the contents of the message did. _Hey, sweet cheeks. Crystal wants to see you. She'll be at Caritas by 7. Just give me the OK and I'll have one of the guys come get you._

Buffy stretched before typing in, _OK, see you then._

She put the phone on the bedside table and took the hair tie she'd left there, tying her hair in a messy bun before heading to the bathroom, running into her father's new wife along the way.

'Buffy,' Linda said with a small smile. 'Didn't hear you come in last night. Did you sleep well?'

She gave the other woman a polite smile. "I did, thanks. My… friend dropped me off."

Linda's eyebrows climbed high on her forehead. 'Oh, Buffy, I'm so sorry, I forgot about your predica--' She frowned. 'You can read lips? I thought this happened two weeks ago.'

Buffy internally cursed, thinking quickly. "Uh, about that. I took a speech-reading class as an elective back in college. I guess I learned more than I thought."

'Huh, that's really convenient,' Linda said, looking impressed. She gestured towards the kitchen. 'Want some breakfast? There's some leftover sausages. I can make some eggs.'

She smiled. "Yes, thank you. I'll just go to the bathroom first." She did her business and freshened up before going into the small kitchen, taking a seat at the table. "Did my dad leave for work?"

'He left at eight, but he usually comes home by six.'

She nodded. "That's good. I'll get to see him before I go. I have another doctor's appointment at seven."

Linda raised her eyebrows again, glancing at her as she put a pan on the stove. 'I don't think I've had doctors who kept office hours that late.'

"Oh, well it's actually a friend of mine who… has a clinic. I don't want to bother her during her office hours, so she just sees me when she's got the time." Buffy internally winced. She hadn't had to do this much lying since before her mother found out about her calling.

Buffy ate breakfast, making small talk with Linda, and then she took her pain medications and hopped in the shower. She relaxed and watched reruns of Seinfeld, the corners of her mouth quirking into an ironic grin when she found that she could read the actors' lips as well. It made her head spin a little when two or more people were talking at once, though. Linda baked her pre-packaged chocolate chip cookies and showed her pictures from her and Hank's wedding. Buffy felt a stab of remorse when Linda told her how worried her father had been when her invitation was sent back, and then how shaken they were when they found out how Sunnydale literally got obliterated.

'It was surreal,' Linda said, a look of awe coming over her features. 'Your father was so relieved when you called in. Was there warning? How did you manage to get out in time?'

Buffy gave a sheepish and ironic smile at the types of 'warnings' they did indeed receive. "We, uh… stole a school bus."

They talked and watched more television, and then Linda disappeared somewhere in the building to do laundry. Hank came home a little after six with a bag of takeout and cans of soda.

"Hi Dad," Buffy said with a smile, kissing his cheek when he sat down on the couch to greet her. "I have another doctor's appointment. An old friend of mine is coming to pick me up."

Hank glanced around before nervously gesturing a rectangular shape with his fingers.

She gave him a reassuring smile. "That's okay. I realized last night that I took a speech-reading class as an elective back in college. I was rusty but I can get by pretty well."

He smiled, relieved. 'That's a bit convenient, don't you think?'

Buffy chuckled. "Yeah, Linda said the same thing."

Hank brought his index finger up in a halting gesture. 'Hold on. Phone.' He got up and went into the kitchen.

Buffy glanced up at him as he walked into the living room and sat beside her, the phone nestled between his ear and his shoulder. 'Do you know a Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, honey?'

She nodded. "That's the friend who's bringing me to the doctor."

He nodded. 'Alright, Al. You can send him up,' he said into the phone before hanging it up.

Less than three minutes later, Hank got up to answer the door and Wesley gave a sheepish smile.

'Hello, Buffy.'

She smiled. "Hey, Wes. I'm just gonna get some shoes on."

Buffy put on some boots, kissed her father and Linda goodbye, grabbed her purse and was making her way out the door.

'Text my phone if anything,' Hank said to her.

She nodded. "Will do."

--

'You can go on ahead. I'll just find parking,' Wesley said, stopping in front of Caritas.

"You don't want me to go with you?" Buffy asked out of courtesy.

'It's fine, Buffy. Crystal must be waiting for you.'

"Thanks for picking me up, Wesley," she said, grabbing her purse off the floor and getting out the car.

She walked into the karaoke bar and smiled as Lorne waved at her from his spot on the stage. Crystal greeted her with a smile as she took a seat at the bar.

'Drink?' Crystal asked.

"I'll have a ginger ale," Buffy said, remembering that she'd taken pain medication.

'I've got some good news,' Crystal said as she put a coaster and her glass of ginger ale out in front of her.

"Do tell," Buffy said, grinning.

'The coven and I have discussed what can be done to mobilize your healing process and we've come up with an mixture. I'm just waiting on the last ingredient. A friend of Willow's is having it shipped in. It should arrive by tomorrow.'

The Slayer wrinkled her nose. "Nothing gross in there, I'm hoping."

'They're all herbs, so it'll essentially be like drinking a tea. But one of the ingredients is known to be a little bitter.'

She nodded. "I think I can handle bitter." She turned around when she felt a hand on her shoulder, smiling when she saw Spike. "Hi."

He grinned back. 'Hi.'

Crystal smiled at them. 'Back to business,' she said, heading towards a customer.

'I take it she's gotten a fixer-upper for you?' he asked, his hand touching the small of her back as he sat on the stool beside her.

"Yeah, just waiting on one ingredient." She nodded at him. "What have you been up to all day?"

He grinned sheepishly. 'Just woke up.' He nudged her with his elbow. 'Eat yet? We could grab something here if you'd like.'

She nodded. "That sounds good." She hopped off her stool and followed Spike to a small table a little ways from the stage.

Lorne appeared a few minutes later, putting two menus on the table. 'What can I get you lovebirds?' he said, grinning.

Buffy blushed. "I'll have a refill on my ginger ale."

'O neg, and you could sprinkle a bit of Weetabix, yeah? I think I left a box in your pantry.'

'Weirdo,' Lorne said good-naturedly, leaving to get their drinks.

Buffy smiled. "I never knew where Giles got his Britain-y food."

'Got it shipped in,' Spike said. 'But I know this little shop in L.A. that sells stuff from the U.K. They're a part of a franchise that originally set up shop in Greenwich Village in New York. There's a restaurant next door. A bit pricey, but it's good.'

"What kind of food do they serve there?" she asked curiously.

'Bangers and mash, Shepherd's pie, Welsh rarebit, Coronation chicken…'

Buffy gave him an amused smile. "English, please."

'Oh, it is,' he said, grinning back. 'They've got sticky toffee pudding, but it's not as good as it is back home.'

"Not sticky enough?" she teased.

He poked her side and she squealed.

Lorne put their drinks down on the table. 'Your ginger ale and your O neg,' he said. 'What'll you be having tonight?'

"I don't know," Buffy giggled. "Captain Peroxide here keeps distracting me."

'Hey! Same could be said for you!' Spike said, pretending to be offended.

"Nuh uh," she laughed, sticking her tongue out. "I get my hair bleached at a salon." She glanced up at Lorne. "I feel like a burger. Any recommendations?"

'The Mushroom Swiss Burger is quite tasty,' Lorne said.

"I'll have that, then. Well done, please."

Lorne glanced at Spike. 'Should I even ask?'

'I'll have the usual.'

'Sheesh, have some variety in your life!'

'Fine. I'll have the usual with extra hot sauce.'

Lorne rolled his eyes as he walked to the back.

'So,' Spike said, placing his hand on Buffy's. 'You, me, bangers and mash?'

Buffy blinked. "Uh… Huh?"

'Is that an affirmative or is that you being confused?' Spike teased.

"It might be a little bit of both," she admitted.

'Bangers and mash is English for sausage and mashed potatoes, love,' he explained, grinning.

She shook her head in disbelief. "Why couldn't they just call it sausage and mashed potatoes?"

He shrugged. 'Too verbose, I suppose.' He glanced at her. 'So. You, me, sausage and mashed potatoes?' he rephrased.

Buffy smiled. "Sure."

Spike beamed. 'I'm going to make you try all the weird things!' he said giddily. 'Well, weird in American terms.'

"What, pray tell, are you going to feed me?"

'Ever try dandelion and burdock?'

"I think that would be a sure no," Buffy replied, wrinkling her nose. "You're not going to make me eat flowers, are you? Do they do that back in Britain?"


	7. Chapter 7

'Buffy,' Angel said with a small smile as she walked through one of the double doors.

She smiled back at him. "Hey," she said. "Spike here?"

'He's upstairs,' he replied. He furrowed his brow. 'Buffy… Can I talk to you for a sec? We haven't really gotten the chance to…'

"Sure," Buffy said, but she couldn't help but cross her arms in front of her guardedly.

'Buffy, I know that I can't even begin to understand what you've been going through all these--'

"You're right," Buffy cut in, indignation swelling inside of her.

He blinked. 'What?'

"Angel, it isn't your job to understand what I've been going through all these years. I know you feel like you're protecting me or something, or feel the need to protect me, but I'm not… I'm not that girl anymore." When he only furrowed his brow deeper, she sighed, throwing her hands up. "Angel," she said tersely, "you aren't my keeper. And I'm not some… broken person that needs protecting. I don't need you to be my security net, or even my security… blanket." She swallowed, hard. "You were once, I can admit that. I… I used to run to you when things would get too scary, too daunting. You were familiar, you know? You were… my crutch, I guess." She cleared her throat and looked him in the eye. "But I want you to know that… things change. I changed. I grew up. I'm just telling you now that you don't ever need to feel an obligation towards me. It's not your… your _responsibility _to understand me. And I didn't understand it either, at first, but being the Slayer had its own responsibilities. And I didn't want to own them… In the beginning, I didn't even want this duty to be a part of me. But it's who I am, and I couldn't run away from it. It was like running away from my own shadow."

He nodded, slowly. 'Sounds like… that's been waiting a couple of years to get out,' he said uncomfortably.

She shrugged, glancing down at the floor. "It's been waiting for the right opportunity, I guess." She bit her lip and looked at him again. "We're… two different people now, Angel. I just want to know that that's clear to you. I didn't really know who I was when I was with you… And even when I wasn't with you and you were still in the background. I guess you could say that you had a role to play, but when you moved here, that's… That's when your contract ended… You know?"

'So we're going from cookie dough to acting… roles…' Angel said.

She smiled, shrugging. "Whatever gets the point across, I guess."

'Can I ask you a question, though?' Angel asked.

She smiled sadly. "Go ahead."

'About the cookie dough analogy… Who do you… Who gets to…'

She laughed. "Who gets to eat me?"

He looked uncomfortable, scratching the back of his neck.

Buffy giggled. "It was a really bad analogy, I think, but… I think it's a self-serving type of thing, you know? I guess I get to eat me. I'm the first one to get to enjoy who I've become, what I've earned."

He nodded somberly. 'Buffy…'

"Hmm?"

'I'm glad that you… I'm glad you're happy.'

She grinned. "Me too." She began to head up the stairs, but stopped when she saw Spike standing at the top, an awed look on his features. Her grin widened.

--

'So what was that all about with the cookies?' Spike asked, opening the car door for her.

Buffy sighed. "Cookie dough," she corrected, "is me."

He paused in his movement to close the door shut behind her. 'Come again?'

She smiled, shaking her head. "I'll try to explain during dinner when I can see your mouth so you don't have to look at me while you're driving like those bad actors in car scenes."

He chuckled. 'I'll have you know that I have very good peripheral vision.' He shut the door all the way with his hip and made his way over to the driver's side. He buckled up, started the car and put his hand over hers. She looked at him. 'Buffy…'

She smiled shyly. "So how much did you hear?"

Spike gave her a sheepish grin, scratching his neck. 'Well, I heard you come in and… I guess all of it.'

Buffy jumped when her phone vibrated in her pocket. She checked it, finding a message from Lorne. 'Crystal got the ingredient today. She said it'll be ready by tomorrow and she could even drop it off at the Hyperion in the morning.'

The vampire leered, touching his tongue to the roof of his mouth. 'You stayin', then?'

She smiled almost shyly. "I guess I could."

Spike nearly bounced in his seat with happiness, and Buffy giggled. For some reason, she never really took the time to appreciate his smile before, and just the fact that it was her who'd caused it… Well, she wanted to make this man…pire happy more often.

He pulled out of the parking space and started driving towards downtown L.A. It took less than fifteen minutes, including the time it took to find a parking space. They put quarters in for two hours because the meters would stop at nine, and then walked the block and a half and crossed the street to approach a quaint little restaurant.

It wasn't very big, and it had the potential to become cramped and crowded, but tonight there were only three parties. They stepped inside and a tall, dark haired man escorted them to a table.

'Nice to see ya again, mate,' he said, patting Spike on the back. 'Couldn't stay away, could ya?'

Spike smirked. 'Think it'd be impossible to now.'

He smiled at Buffy. 'And who's this little lady?'

The bleach blond beamed. 'This here's my girl, Buffy.'

"Hi," Buffy said. "Nice to meet you…"

'Evan's my name,' the waiter said with a polite smile. He placed down two menus on the table, then glanced at Spike. 'Same for you, yeah? Black tea?'

Spike nodded. 'Yeah, thanks. For two, just in case.'

Evan looked at Buffy. 'And for you, Miss?'

"I think I'll look at the menu first, but can I get a glass of water?"

Evan nodded and left them to their menus. Buffy glanced at Spike, raising her eyebrows.

'They're all from the motherland here,' Spike said with a smile as he sat across from her. 'They like to keep it authentic.' He covered her hand with his. 'They have a little shop next door if you want to check it out. Could show you where I buy my Weetabix.'

Buffy giggled. "I'd love to." She opened her menu. "So, what's good?"

He grinned. 'All of it, I'd say.' At the look she gave him, he recommended, 'The shepherd's pie is good. You could start with that.'

"What'll you be having?" she asked.

'M'havin' a shandygaff -- that's a ginger ale of sorts, only there's beer in it and lemonade. The lemonade's not like what you have in the states, though. It's more of a carbonated drink, like Sprite or seltzer water. Gettin' the steak and Guinness pie and then a sticky toffee pudding for dessert.'

"Is that your regular?" she said teasingly.

Spike grinned. 'For now, I suppose. I'll change it up sooner or later.'

Evan came back with a large teapot with hand-painted rose designs, and then set down matching teacups, creamer and sugar, and two tea strainers. Buffy watched as Spike poured about an inch and a half of milk into his teacup, two heaping spoonfuls of sugar, and then sat the stainless steel strainer on the circumference of the cup and poured the tea through it.

Spike smirked at her as he placed the strainer into its holder and stirred his tea with a teaspoon. 'Watchin' your Englishman make his tea, are you?'

Buffy grinned. "Wanna make mine?"

Evan returned to take their orders. Spike requested that his sticky toffee pudding come out before his main entree, and Buffy decided to try the recommendation Spike made for her and the shandygaff.

The vampire winked at her. 'Don't get tipsy now,' he teased as her shandy was set in front of her.

"How much alcohol is in here anyway?" Buffy asked, raising her eyebrows.

''bout .5,' he replied with a smirk. When she started to protest, he teased , 'I know how you are with alcohol, love. Don' worry, though. I'll be a perfect gentleman, at least until we're back at the Hyperion.'

Soon their meals were set out in front of them and they had a quiet dinner, sharing their dishes with one another and making small talk. Spike paid for them both when they finished, and then they enjoyed a refill of their tea before making their way to the shop next door.

'I'm just going smoke a ciggy. You go on ahead and take a look around,' Spike said. He pointed to a maroon-colored can on display. 'And get that one,' he said, slipping a five dollar bill into her hand before stepping outside.

Buffy nodded, walking around the small little shop and taking in all the different items on the shelves. She smirked when she spotted a box of Weetabix on one of the top shelves.

''lo, little lady,' a middle aged man with graying hair greeted her upon coming in from a back room. 'You require any assistance?'

Buffy smiled brightly. "Yes, please." She pointed at the display of cans behind him. "Can I get that one?"

The man grinned. 'You sure?'

She blinked, but nodded anyway. "Yup."

'Have you ever tasted it before?' he asked.

She grinned back at him. "No, but I figure I can handle something different."

He knelt down behind the counter to look through a mini fridge perched below it and handed her a cold can. 'Not many Americans I know like it.'

She gave him the five and popped open the tab, glancing at the can. It read 'Ben Shaws Dandelion & Burdock.' Buffy took a sip and paused to observe its taste.

The man's grin widened as he handed her her change. 'How do you like it?'

"It's good," Buffy said truthfully. The soda was very sweet and had a herbal taste to it, like drinking sweet, carbonated tea.

Spike stepped inside, touching her shoulder. 'Tasted it already, I see. How do you like it?'

The man behind the counter smiled at Spike. 'Knew you'd come back. This here your lady friend?'

Spike grinned. 'Yeah, this here's my lady friend.'

'I like her. She likes the dandelion and burdock.'

Buffy giggled. "I think I know where to get Giles his stuff now. I was going to send him some apple pie for his birthday to be funny, but I think this is much better."

'Apple pie is good stuff, and I think like any other foreigner, he'd enjoy it on occasion. But yeah, he'd probably appreciate this a whole lot more.' Spike chuckled and led Buffy outside. 'G'night, mate,' he called out to the man behind the counter, giving him a wave.


End file.
